I will have finished my first week at work, I have not been to work since July 2013, that is a long ass time ago.
I am very lucky to have had so much time off with my gorgeous baby girl. But it i'll be honest its never enough, i know we are lucky in the UK with mat leave but man the idea of leaving this gorgeous face breaks my heart.
If you had asked me a couple of weeks ago, I would have said no no no hate it no no hate it!! And a few other things along those lines.
Last week and this week we have been doing settling in sessions at nursery, if again you had asked me a couple of weeks ago how martha would be at nursery, i would have said she will be fine its me thats the mess. Turns out its both of us thats a mess.
Turns out nursery is a big deal. I guess they are being left with practically strangers aren't they.
Basically this last week of maternity leave has been a bit naf, without going on and on, martha has been very upset but she has been in for various hours and very slowly she has calmed down a bit and yesterday i picked her up and she wasn't crying! Major improvement!
So now my head seems to have switched a little, I will miss my girl so so very much and hate the idea of leaving her or being without her or missing anything at all frankly but if she is happy then its ultimately all ok isn't it? All you want is for your baby/child to be happy.
I have also been telling myself again and again it could be worse, i have had a long time off, i am going back on part time hours and funny part time hours at that, like on a wednesday i work 3.5 hrs and then go and pick my girl up. Like it could be worse, As hard of i am finding this I am trying to think there is always someone worse off than you.
This new routine is going to take some serious getting used to, never mind the fact i am going somewhere where they will call me by my name and not Marthas mum, I am perfectly happy being called Marthas mum its never bothered me, I don't have that oohh 'adult' time with different conversations, I like baby chat, i like baby groups and talking about my girl, martha currently sleeps very well in the afternoon (thou this week has been interesting) so 'reducing' my time to a lunch hour and not even a hour actually is actually gonna be very weird.
I am aware i am rambling, but it just seems so strange to think I won't be on mat leave, i will be a working mammy, its weird and gonna take me a while to get my head around.
Wish me luck.